According to Julia, when a person gets too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired, it makes them reach for what is comfortable – what helps them cope, alcohol for some, drugs for others, still others might choose a cheeseburger and fries. The first two seem to be a no brainer – “of course I would never turn to these things to help me cope with life!” But how often do we rationalize that third one?
When my daughter was born and I had to feed her every two hours, my body just seemed to shut down. I could hardly function without the sleep my body needed. I turned to sugar and caffeine – mochas. I cringe at the amount of money I know I spent on those daily 16oz mochas. So I could understand what Julia Cameron was saying when she wrote that when you get too tired you reach for what is going to bring you back up, what will keep you going.
What about eating after an argument? Or when you feel angry? One time recently when I was on my way to confront a situation that infuriates me, I caught myself shoving fries into my mouth at an alarming rate. I couldn’t believe it! I was eating my anger and anxiety.
Many people also struggle with getting too hungry – skipping meals because they are too busy or just plain forget to eat. Once they find food in front of them, it is a downhill struggle. Binging, then the inevitable food hangover here we come!
But the most surprising letter of the HALT acronym for me was the “L” for loneliness. “I don’t get too lonely,” I thought as I read the chapter. Then the thought struck me – I eat when I feel misunderstood. Being misunderstood IS a form of loneliness. Hmm, I had never quite thought of it like that before. Interesting. Food for thought as Julia would say.
So what if I write instead of eat in these instances of weakness? What creativity is lurking inside me being pushed down by my coping habits?
One night this week I gave into the urge to write something creative. When I finished, the snack attack was forgotten. My heart and my stomach felt very full. What I wrote is below for your reading pleasure. Bon Apetit!
The Many Faces of You
My most happy of angels didn’t come to me from the sky as a cherub does
She grew within my body and at once breathed a breath of life without my consciousness
As you and I grew in our awareness of this new world, my most precious delight,
Life was forever transformed into a world of beauty, most mysterious and joyful.
My favorite time of the day is actually at night, when you transfix me with your silliness.
How you try out all of the muscles in your face to understand how they work,
to make me laugh when what I am trying to do is put you to sleep.
Sleep, my sweet, let your eyelids rest over your sparkly eyes and I will see you again very soon.
Sooner rather than later, for it will still be dark when you call for me wanting milk and warmth and to be reminded of my love.
A love and a laugh that I did not own before I held your wiggly body as you try to discover something new,
never satisfied with the same old book or block or teddy bear.
You'll grow up some day and I will get to know so much more of your thoughts and desires, joys and triumphs.
And I will be powerless to your wiles, hoping always that you will grow to understand the best things in life and to avoid the worst.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)