New Beginnings: Part One - Tool One: Morning Papers

When I woke up at 5am on Tuesday morning December 29th there was no way for me to know that one decision would affect my entire week. I’m not in the habit of getting up at that hour – by choice that is. (My eight month old sometimes gives me a wake up call.) However, on this morning I got up by my own choosing to do what Julia Cameron calls “morning papers.” Basically the point of morning papers is to sit down and write out exactly what you are feeling without care about how it sounds. You are not trying to be a great writer; you are just supposed to write. This concept is similar to what my college writing professor used to call “throwing up on the page.” (I’ll spare you the rest of this analogy).

So I stumbled out of bed, got a quick shower to wake up, wrapped my fleece robe around me and sat down in my office coffee cup in hand. I stared at the blank page in front of me trying to resist all inclinations to be eloquent. Reflecting back on the content of the chapter, I began to write. I wrote about my job, my health, my relationships, my goals and so on. Surprisingly, I immediately felt refreshed. Julia calls this living consciously - a type of meditation. In a sense it is a way to get in touch with yourself, to find out what is “eating you.” She says that once you know what is eating you, you will stop overeating.

To my surprise, I found it to be true. On Tuesday I did not overeat. In fact, I did not even have the desire to overeat. I kept thinking about what she said about living consciously and how it changes how you feel about yourself. She mentioned food “hangovers” as a symptom of overeating. I realized that being overfull is not a feeling I even enjoy. Why was I doing that to myself? The answer was very clearly staring me in the face, like a bull stares down a conquistador. Food is comfort. When I feel put down, I eat.

The simplicity of the realization was astounding. It was so powerful that it transformed my whole week. Did my problems disappear? No. In fact some seemed to escalate. But I wanted to deal with my problems, not bury them in food.

“Sometimes you just need food for thought,” says Julia, “not food.”

So this week was a new beginning for me. I wish that I could tell you that I got up at 5am every morning and dutifully did my morning papers. But that would be a lie. Sometimes I did evening papers because I was just too drained to wake up early. I also didn’t eat any healthier, I just ate less. What I did do was make an effort.

So as I ring in the New Year tonight, I will feel hope for 2010. It’s good to look back on 2009 and honestly say that I made progress.